How to Deal with an Anxious Child Who Won’t Go to School

As a parent, watching your child struggle with school refusal due to anxiety can be overwhelming. When a child is too anxious to go to school, it’s not just a matter of defiance or stubbornness. Instead, it’s a complex issue rooted in fear, stress, and often overwhelming emotions. School anxiety can take many forms, from fear of social situations to academic pressures or worries about being away from home. Understanding how to support your child during this time is crucial to helping them overcome their anxiety and thrive in school.

 

In this blog, we’ll explore practical steps you can take to address school refusal related to anxiety and how to provide the support your child needs.

 

 

It’s important to first understand that anxiety manifests differently in children. Some children may express their anxiety directly by telling you they’re afraid to go to school, while others may show it through physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or extreme fatigue.

 

 

•Frequent complaints of illness, especially on school days.

•Crying, tantrums, or meltdowns before or during the school drop-off routine.

•Clinging behavior or refusal to get out of bed or leave the house.

•Increased irritability, restlessness, or emotional outbursts.

•Trouble concentrating or declining academic performance.

 

Recognizing these signs early can help you intervene before school avoidance becomes a prolonged issue.

 

 

Once you suspect that anxiety is the root cause of your child’s school refusal, it’s essential to start a calm, open, and non-judgmental conversation with them. Ask your child about their feelings without being dismissive or overly critical. The goal is to create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing what’s troubling them.

 

 

•“Can you tell me what makes you feel nervous about going to school?”

•“Is there something at school that’s making you uncomfortable or scared?”

•“Do you feel safe and supported at school?”

•“What do you think might help you feel better about going to school?”

 

Listening to your child’s fears will give you a better understanding of their anxiety and how you can address it together.

 

 

Mornings set the tone for the day, so creating a predictable, stress-free routine can help your child feel more secure. Try waking up a little earlier to avoid rushing and give your child time to adjust. Having a set routine—getting dressed, eating breakfast, packing up—can help reduce the anxiety of the unknown. If your child knows exactly what to expect, they are less likely to feel overwhelmed.  If you need help creating a routine that can set your child up for success, our therapists at WHCC can help.  Many times, parents are stressed in the morning as well, so when emotions are high, it is hard to know whether to force your child to go to school or to let them skip for the day.  Our therapists can help create a middle ground approach where the child’s anxiety isn’t reinforced, and the parent doesn’t feel like they are causing more harm to the child.  

 

 

At WHCC the exposure process is tailored to the child’s emotional needs. Rather than pushing through fears as quickly as possible, compassionate exposure respects the child’s emotional state. The child therapist works closely with the child and parent to create a paced plan for exposure that honors their readiness and comfort level. This allows for steady progress while reducing the risk of overwhelming the child.  For example, the therapist may suggest the child go to school for a few hours each day in order to expose them to the fear in small increments and build trust with the school and parents that they won’t have to go the entire day.  We have seen results in as little as 2 weeks where the child is going to school the entire day with this approach.  

 

 

 

Celebrate the small wins. Whether it’s successfully getting dressed for school, walking to the door, or making it to class, acknowledge their efforts. Positive reinforcement helps build self-esteem and encourages your child to keep trying, even when things are difficult. Consider using a reward system for small milestones to motivate them further.

 

 

Reducing the morning rush can go a long way toward lowering anxiety. Prepare as much as possible the night before—lay out clothes, pack lunches, and gather school supplies. Having everything ready will prevent last-minute stressors that can add to your child’s feelings of overwhelm. A calm and organized start helps your child feel more in control of the situation.

 

 

Equip your child with strategies to manage their anxiety throughout the day. Simple breathing exercises can help calm their nervous system when they feel overwhelmed. For example, you can teach them to inhale for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for four. Practicing mindfulness, grounding techniques, or visualization exercises can also empower your child to take control of their emotions.

 

 

Many times parents and the therapist can meet with teachers and principals to come up with a plan to help the child feel less anxious at school.  Sometimes the child needs time to themselves, resources around noise and overstimulation at school, more friend connections, or more time on tests.  

 

 

If your child is struggling to go to school, WHCC is here to help!  We understand that it is very stressful on the entire family when children are crying, having meltdowns, or going to the nurse often during school hours. Our child therapists in Katy, TX are committed to creating a compassionate exposure plan to get your child back to school with less anxiety.  Compassionate anxiety exposure treatment offers a transformative way to confront fears and anxieties with empathy and understanding. By blending the effectiveness of traditional exposure therapy with the principles of self-compassion and connection to the child, this approach provides a supportive path for children to overcome anxiety while fostering emotional growth and resilience.

 

Don’t wait for the anxiety to take hold of your child’s love for school. At our practice, we understand that the journey to overcoming school refusal can feel daunting, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Our compassionate team of child therapists is dedicated to helping your family create a tailored plan that respects your child’s emotional needs. Together, we can empower your child to embrace school with confidence and ease.